Effie

She sleeps between my legs

She sits atop my lap

She follows me around

Sometimes we take a nap

She treats me as her idol

Looks at me with loving eyes

She totally adores me

She’s a fraction of my size

She’s the greatest of companions

She never answers back

She goes crazy when she sees me

She’s quarter pug and quarter jack

She’s other half chihuahua, yet

she’s huge on personality

She’s the best purchase I ever made

She means the world to me

Fighting to remember

I am fighting to remember

Spontaneous jaunts to exciting destinations

Five joyful joyriders squashed into

the confines of a bottle-green mini

Flying along the M4

Just enough cash in our pockets to

cover our share of petrol, any entrance fees

plus those all important beers

I am fighting to remember

The liberty of waking up and choosing

at that precise moment, what to do and

where to go

How the void of the day became filled with

moments of impulsivity:

A trip to the shops

A gig

An afternoon that inevitably became a night in the pub

with my careless, carefree companions.

I am fighting to remember

Diary-less days.

Living unshackled by plans made far too far in advance

Possessing the freedom to ditch them

Caring not one iota who would be

inconvenienced

I am fighting to remember

when the wind would blow my sails

No need for constant battle or struggling against it

To reach an unsatisfactory yet selfless destination.

Hot Days

It’s so hot, I think I’m melting

The sun’s rays, they are pelting

my skin, and almost smelting

any metals that they touch

The rain, it has gone missing

and I find myself wishing

that I could pass the hours fishing

for someone, or simply kissing

him full on the mouth – with tongues

So I waste these hot days dreaming

spending zero time on preening

my body in need and screaming

for attention that doesn’t come

Of all the things I could be doing

I have these dreams with me and you in

the best are when we’re screwing

Sometimes tender. Sometimes rough

Cake

There was a girl

who wanted to have her cake and eat it

At first the indulgence

felt exciting

She gorged on mouthful

after mouthful.

It still wasn’t enough

but it left her feeling sickened

With herself

She quickly realised

that the first, delectable slice

would have satisfied her hunger

If only she had savoured that piece

she would not be here now

left with only crumbs

Roundabouts

Let me tell you about

the roundabouts

You’ve never been anywhere

quite like our town

To connect you must go round

not necessarily in a clockwise fashion

We’re that town you see

with our 5 spurred monster

You must’ve seen the picture

Wheels waltzing

Weaving this way and that

Constantly in motion

Where drifters arrive at dawn

doing donuts

A dawn chorus of throttling

Shaking alive this once aspirational town

of spitfires, locomotion and tobacco

A place that once dreamed of bigger things

but ended up with roundabouts

When I was a girl

When I was a girl,

and I talked about

what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I would state that I wanted to be a mechanic

like my uncle

I don’t know why I went off the idea

but I didn’t pursue it

at that time

Girls didn’t become mechanics

In my freetime

and at breaktimes

I’d play football with the boys

I loved playing football

but there was no team for me

because in those days

Girls weren’t supposed to play football

Nowadays, our outlook has changed

There is a world full of opportunities

open to all

regardless of gender

but we cannot

for one second

be complacent

or stop pushing our agenda.

Until the 15% pay gap

no longer exists

Until women in the media

no longer have a shelf life

Until they stop forcing my teenage sisters into marrying old men and

women in ‘civilised’ nations are no longer

denied the autonomy of their own bodies

in a distorted application of the laws of religion

Until every INCEL reconsiders his views

and teen boys stop exalting mysogynists

with scary ideas and flash cars

The boy who tasted of cigarettes

One afternoon, when I was thirteen

I caught the attention

of an older boy who tasted of rolled up cigarettes

as he paraded himself around

the listless playground

in a shellsuit top interwoven

with the sharp stench of his BO

He asked if I would be his girlfriend

I was curious, so agreed and

me, him and his small group of insipid followers

spent the following three hours

hanging out in the dirt

that lined the floor

of the hard, concrete playtube.

He confessed to being impressed

by the length

of my legs

I was impressed

by god only knows what.

His age?

I chanced across him once more

some four years later

as, short-skirted, I paraded

around the centre of town.

“God she’s fit” I heard

as he nudged his mate

(He probably needed an eye-test!)

I had no-one to nudge but

I definitely would not have uttered

those words about him.

Look at me

I’m hyponotised

I’m mesmerised

can’t draw my eyes away.

A magnetism, unsurpassed.

Pulling me closer and closer

to the cold water’s edge.

So close, I

could slip and fall in

eternally contented to die

in the well of my own charms.

For I am the daughter of Narcissus

With such talent and prowess

Can’t you all see it?

Can’t you all hear it?

My reflection always singing

Look at me

Look at me

LOOK AT ME