The official blog of Nessie A.W. Easton
After lunch,
whilst sipping my regular tea,
I flicked through pages of social media
and chanced upon a picture
of a vietnamese mossy frog
And boy did he look mossy,
gnarly, plush and green
I pondered how efficiently he’d blend
into the woodlands and the trees
How only the black dots of his eyes
may reveal his true location
If closed, he would disappear entirely
A wonderfully useful gift to be blessed with
unless you crave attention, like me
There’s a corner of my heart
that’s set aside for you
Getting there is simple
The directions take no trick of remembering
No complicated list of instructions
or traffic lights to cross
or left turns at roundabouts
or at the bridge, take a rights
that other suitors would have to contend with.
Your direct route to my heartzone
Live, breathe, exist
What I love about brussel sprouts is their divisiveness
What I hate about birds is their body clock
What I love about drizzle is it’s refreshing light touch
What I hate about England is racism mislabelled as patriotism
What I love about Swindon is it’s run-down estates
What I hate about Westminster are all the lies told all the time by everybody
What I love about Emma is that I’ve known her so long I can read her like a book (and she me)
What I hate about Jacob is his detachment from our reality
What I hate about love is it’s parasitic quality
What I love about resentment is bitching sessions
What I hate about loneliness is mindless TV shows
What I love about you – everything
My aim this year is to post at least once a week. I have my phone alarm set for Sunday morning so that I definitely won’t forget and I haven’t needed it until now.
I didn’t really forget today. Here I am writing a few words but this is really just a box ticking exercise. A short few paragraphs just to say I did it. I apologise now for wasting your time.
What happened to disrupt my newly formed habit? Life, parenting and work. Since clocking off work on Friday evening I have got my hair done and that was me’time over by 6:30pm. My daughter had 3 ice hockey games, 1 training session and I drove over 300 miles to accomodate them.
I also spent about 10 hours preparing for 5 awards assemblies that I have to deliver at school tomorrow. I sorted through and ordered a pile of certificates that is in the region of 9 inches thick and also added all the names to powerpoint presentations. I finished at 8:30 tonight and my shoulders ache so bad from being hunched over my laptop.
Fingers crossed it all goes well tomorrow. I prepared enough but it’s school and odd or challenging things sometimes happen.
I have to go drink my tea and get some shut eye. At least I posted. Sorry it’s inane drivel.
Last night I fought with alligators
while I lay sound asleep and dreaming
a dream in which I lived in a house
that was not my house
as it had a swamp for a back garden
Each time I let my little dog out to play
beady sets of eyes would appear
and one of those rough-skinned brutes
would rush and scoop her up in his jaws
and I would leap out and tussle with him (or her) to rescue her.
They showed no interest in the fine feline fur of my cats, they only wanted to feast on the dog.
But I wasn’t remotely afraid (because it was a dream) as I prized her from those terrible, snapping jaws. Over and over.
I showed those crusty beasts who’s boss.
And that I could stand up to any bully boy (or girl)
they were merely alligators
because he’s always slightly later
than he said he would be
and even though
he is a grown man now
he will always be my baby boy
always be a part of me
not so long ago,
he would rely on me
and needed me
but now he lives
with one foot out of the door
soon
he will be off living his own life
the way it should be, and i
will reflect on these nights, when i
laid there half awake, half asleep
awaiting the turn of his key in the door
and our standard conversation
‘good night?’
‘yeah’
‘LOVE you’
‘LOVE you’
and acknowledge what a privilege they were
When you grow tired of someone;
when their actions enrage and annoy you,
are you the kind of person
who meets the issue head on?
Who worries not for the fireworks
or potential destruction
a heated or awkward conversation may cause.
Not shying away from the havoc,
because a moment of destruction
may pave the way for the rebuilding of something better and truer
Or do you simply go offgrid,
avoid real communication.
Do you sulk and stew?
Making only cursory replies until, one day
that person gives up on you and slips away
and you shrug it off as a sad but inevitable loss,
refusing to accept that the loss
may, in reality, be yours.
Much like many other people, I am in the habit of spending the downtime that I enjoy between Christmas and New Year, engaged in a period of self-reflection. What did I enjoy about last year? What did I achieve? What is my current standing in terms of family situation, social groups, career, health, hobbies and various other facets that make up my life? I think about what made me happy and, of course, what may have caused misery or anxiety. I question whether I made mistakes (lets face it – we all do) and whether any good came of them (a bonus) or if i just have to write them off as misguided experiences not to be repeated.
Off the back of this, I start to envisage a newer, better me. The Natalie 2.0 that I might strive to achieve in the coming 365 days. I then analyse what habit changes would need to occur to become this ultimate self. The next step in the process is to establish what I can be arsed to actually do from that long list and I pare it right back.
As recent as a decade ago, I would still craft lengthy lists of New Years Resolutions, all of which would have fallen by the wayside by the third week of January. One upshot of self reflection is recognising your shortcomings. A determined visionary I am not. Nevertheless, a person capable of setting smaller goals and actually achieving them, that’s exactly what I am.
I have a colleague at work who talks regularly to our students about the power of one percent gains. The idea that if you chip away at the small things and make marginal improvements then all of those tiny improvements add up and build to a much greater accomplishment.
This is a notion that I give credence to. To be honest, I have insufficient free time to consider anything more aspirational. So, this year, I have created a miniscule list of goals to achieve that will make me a better, more fulfilled version of myself.
You guessed it! Updating this blog more often is one of them.
In January, I worried for a friend. I didn’t do Dry January, once again.
In February, I trod old ground; it felt good. I didn’t rue the quick passing of time that made my youngest an adult.
In March, I felt hunger and a lack of direction but I didn’t rest on my laurels. I campaigned!
In April, it was all about those Mystery Jets. I paid no heed to the miles clocking up. Each one was worth my time.
In May, I sometimes found myself in need and wanting; not quite sure what for. I wrote and I mooned then, in a moment of decisiveness, I took the ugliest selfie ever and consigned it to a decade of haunting me every time I travel. I can live with that.
In June, I celebrated 21 years of my best work. I made lists. I didn’t care a jot for the consequences of my hairdresser turning my locks hot pink. There were none; it would have been a waste of precious energy
In July, I felt so goddamn proud. That’s it. No more to say.
In August, I danced then I made a mistake, I felt old and less than myself.
In September, I bounced back, wrote poems, laughed lots and was blown away by teamwork
In October, I relaxed and reconnected. I savoured the cathartic energy of the sun’s rays. I saw paradise, fleetingly. That’s the best most of us can hope for.
In November, I brought things for those that I love. I didn’t stop until I was satisfied that all were catered for. They deserve it. I’m sometimes unsure whether I deserve them.
In December, the plummeting temperatures couldn’t dissipate my warmth. I grew increasingly excited, woke early, reflected. I didn’t beat myself up, even the mistakes were fruitful, necessary and part of the ride.
I am crazy for Christmas, get over excited and go all out with my preparations but yesterday I had a bit of fun imagining that the opposite were true.
Anti Christ-mas
Bloody presents,
all the wrapping,
tacky tinsel
stupid tree
Annoying cheery people
with their over-the-top
festivity
Dazzling bloody houses
festooned in Christmas lights
shimmering in my windows
keeping me awake at night
Mariah bloomin Carey
Drivel on the telly
What’s so bloody special about it?
Please
SOMEONE
do tell me!
Dry and tasteless turkey
brussels that just stink
Excessive food consumption
far too much to drink
Watching all you fools together
Celebrating, being merry
I’ll live this like any other day
Go shove your glass of sherry
Too much work for just one day
I catch so many moan
I’ll just avoid the hassle
and spend the day alone.
Poetry for Dullards